Premarital Counseling

Writer Sue Monk Kidd states, “Walking a (wedding) aisle can be a marvelous thing, as long as we acknowledge that the aisle does not end at the altar but goes on winding through life.”  Premarital counseling can support the part of walking through life with greater tools to help navigate your long time together.  Counseling can support a couples joy and longevity by helping to grow the qualities in the following acrostic:
 
Inspire warmth
Listen to each other
Open your heart
Value your union
Express your trust
Yield to good sense
Overlook mistakes
Understand differences
(from “A Wedding Ceremony to Remember” by Marty Younkin)

Like with most anything, preventive maintenance is very important in keeping things running smoothly. I often work with couples to learn how to have difficult conversations, to talk about issues you will face with finances, children, cleaning the house, etc. all those issues that might seem small at the time and can mount up to cause serious struggles.

The two tools I use are:

1) Non-violent communication—learning what needs your beloved has in order to understand them better

2) Couples dialoguing—learning specific ways about how to both talk and listen to one another when you need to dialogue about issues you are having.

One of the worse things couples can do is to stuff their feelings and not share what is going on with them. Our work will be to help create an environment of safety and connection so that hard issues can be skillfully talked about with one another.

I would encourage at least two sessions.

 

Resources

I encourage each couple to get the following books:

“Getting the Love You Want” by Helen and Harville Hendrix

“True Love” by Thich Nhat Hanh.

“Non-Violent Communication” by Marshall Rosenberg

 

Copyright © 2021 Rev. Julia Jarvis. All rights reserved.